Loving Words of Sarcasm
by Twilight Solstice
Summary: So...according to his now MIA dictionary... He, Riku, was in love with Sora, his best friend. He could live with that. He just hoped Kairi and Cleon would let him. Yaoi, swearing. Riku/Sora
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything!

**Pairing**: Main: Riku/Sora Side: Leon/Cloud, Mickey/Minnie, and others...

**Warnings:** Yaoi (lemon later), swearing, and a bunch of other things...

**Rating**: M

**Chapters**: Probably less than five...

**Summary**: So...according to his now MIA dictionary... He, Riku, was in love with Sora, his best friend. He could live with that. He just hoped Kairi and Cleon would let him.

Review?

No flames!

**Loving Words of Sarcasm**

**Chapter 1: The Dictionary Told Me So  
**

Love.

Riku believed it to be complicated and at times hindering. Take it that it could be a greatest strength and weapon as proven by his best friend but Riku never paid it so much attention. He simply did things because he _could_, sometimes because he _should_. He never really had a greater motivator than that. No greater reason.

Maybe friendship and guilt but that's all he chalked it up too.

Until of course his reality was shaken by a mouse king of all people.

"_You really love Sora don't you?"_

He knew the king meant it as a type of compliment...probably. He was trying to commend Riku for his noble actions and conveniently forgetting to mention that it had been Riku who had fucked it all up in the first place. Riku was grateful if not a little guilty. So he couldn't really blame the king for his shattering of reality and questioning of his own life and existence. Questioning of love—

Love.

Riku tried to analyze the kings statement objectively. So he started with the simple question of: what's love? So Riku, in his infinite wisdom consulted the one thing he knew wouldn't lie to him and just give him a straight answer without having Riku do some bullshit like question himself back and dig for what _he_ felt love was.

He opened his handy dandy-never-before-been-utilized-except-for-being-used-to-stabilize-his-table dictionary! And nearly died choking as the dust which assaulted him the second he opened the damn book strangled his windpipe. Resisting the urge to throw the book into some damn dark hole of nothingness he quickly looked for the word he needed to define. Love...

There seemed to be a few definitions to just that one word.

Definition number one: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; beloved person; sweetheart.

Definition number two: a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Definition number three: sexual passion or desire.

Definition number four: a person toward whom love is felt;

That fourth one made Riku realize why he hated dictionaries. It gave you some stupid definition that included the word you were trying to define. But the other three seemed...plausible. But he had to analyze farther.

Did he feel a passionate affection for Sora that according to the dictionary had to be tender as well? If he did, even Riku had to admit he had an odd way of showing it. So he skipped that one. Number two seemed right... He could admit he felt oddly attached to Sora and couldn't help the fact that his eyes followed the brunette around when they happened to be together. But the attachment didn't seem like a parental type. Hell, sometimes he couldn't wait to get out of his house to avoid having to spend time with his _crazies_—er, _loving parents_. Some part of him felt lucky that it was him that gained all the dark powers and left his mother with nothing of the sort...because the woman did not need anything more to amplify her ability of scaring people shitless and giving them the odd feeling of foreboding.

He also didn't think of Sora as his kid...or vice versa. That would be creepy. So he mentally made a note to once again remind Cloud and Leon that Sora was not their adopted love-child. There was a freakish story behind that... Shortly after getting together both Leon and Cloud had adopted the keyblade master as their own simply because his friend happened to look like a mesh of them together (Cloud's spiky hairdo and eye color with Leon's hair color) and an 'obvious' adolescent version of what a child of theirs should look like were they able to have their own spawn. In other words, Sora was the embodiment of their love. Or so they claimed...

Sora had blushed and had been flattered.

Riku had been traumatized and on the verge of a seizure.

So he did the only sane thing and hopped on a gummi ship in the middle of the night with a confused sleep induced Sora thrown across his shoulder. He made record time in arriving back from Radiant Garden onto the islands again.

Now he needed some way to stop Cleon (his way of saving time when referring to the couple whom seemed to be like one huge blob of a person nowadays anyway) from getting into contact with Sora. Overprotective was an understatement when it came to their 'supposed parenting'. Sora's real, _sane_ (God bless this woman!) mother nearly had a heart attack when she was visited by an angry Cleon whom wanted to know why Sora's curfew was at eleven thirty p.m. when it should be around seven...especially on a school night.

Anyways...

The friend one seemed applicable...but it left him feeling slightly empty and wanting more...

_'Brother' then_—?

He quickly vomited that out of his mental mouth. 'Brother' seemed wrong on so many levels, most of which confused the hell out of him. So if it wasn't all those mentioned above what was it?

He glanced to the third definition.

Sexual passion or desire.

...his hormones screamed, "_YAHTZEE! MOTHER FUCKER! YAHTZEE!_" He had the odd urge to look up 'sexual', 'passion' and 'desire' and see if they really applied to this situation. Then decided the dictionary would probably describe one with the other and Riku didn't particularly feel like going in circles so he threw the dictionary on the bed and choked on a laugh when he overshot and the book went flying through the window.

He would've looked looked up different ways to say 'sorry' but if he went down there to get the book then it would defeat the purpose. So Riku lay down on his bed and resumed his thinking.

He knew he cared about the brunette.

Otherwise he wouldn't have wasted his time trying to overthrow the Organization and all the other crap he justified with whatever...

He had an attachment...maybe obsession. But attachment sounded less stalker-ish though so he stuck to that.

The thought of having Sora naked, on his bed, and willing to become his virgin sacrifice sent nice tingles of pleasure down his back so desire was definitively there...

So...according to his now MIA dictionary...

He, Riku, was in love with Sora, his best friend.

He could live with that.

Kairi however would probably kill him and feed his remains to the heartless. Even though she and Sora had not worked out, she still loved the boy like a fat kid might love chocolate. In some ways she was more paranoid and overprotective about the boy than Cleon. She had became that older (odd since she was technically younger) sister that would kill, maim and possibly Chinese water torture anyone who meant her little brother harm.

Sora took everything in stride.

Riku was probably developing an ulcer.

He needed advice. Obviously Cleon and Kairi were out and it was a shame. They could've probably helped him...had it not been Sora he was after. Who else could help him? Hmm...

The king...could. He'd helped Riku in the past. But instead of helping him through the darkness this time Riku would have to come up with a nice way to ask the king to help him get into Sora's pants...and heart. He'd say heart first though just in case King Mickey ended up being another Cleon...

He'd have to avoid the kings lackeys too...Donald and Goofy.

What the hell did Sora do to have people smother him like mother hens?

He needed a way to get to Disney Castle however. The only gummi ship available to him was Sora's but he felt that could end up in an awkward conversation...possibly be charged with rape and therefore sentenced to death via Cleon, Kairi, and whoever else thought Sora was a fragile piece of glass.

An ominous thought entered his head then.

He could...

...build a raft.

"Whatever for? We have the gummi ship now silly."

Riku blinked. Hadn't he just gone over the facts of why that would be a bad idea? And why did his inner monologue suddenly sound like Sora?

"...you have an inner monologue...?"

Why yes, he did. His inner monologue was the damn voice of perfect reason. Let's conveniently forget that it also wanted world domination...sometimes it still does. But only because Riku's mirror demanded it. The world needed to bask in the glow of his sexiness.

"Are you alright Riku?"

Riku froze as he realized there was another person in the room with him. He sat up and looked into a pair of brilliant blue sapphire eyes.

"I'm not crazy." Pause. "I knew you were there." A distraction was needed. "Oh look! Something shiny!"

Sora raised an eyebrow and before Riku could blink a heavy tome of some sort was dropped into his lap. He winced and tried to frown. "Be lucky you missed."

"No." corrected Sora as he sat on the bed next to Riku. "Be glad _you_ missed. You almost hit me with this stupid book!" Riku felt something like guilt claw at his insides before he beat it down. His body's natural defenses were sarcasm, redirecting, and blatant denial. Not in that order.

"This isn't mine!" he proclaimed.

"Then how come it says Riku on the spine—"

"What!? I'm not the _only_ Riku on this island—"

"—its also signed, 'sexiest man alive' right under your signature. Add to the fact that it looks like its never been used and there you go. Its yours."

Riku moved on to defense number two: sarcasm. Denial didn't work...

"Well geez Sora. Thanks. What makes you think _I _threw it out my window!? Maybe it was _you_ trying to pin this on _me_!? Always the victim Riku is...someday _we will_ find unconditional acceptance and love." he oozed sarcasm...or at least he tried. He came to the conclusion that he indeed did love the brunette, otherwise why would any intellect he have suddenly disappear?

"...you could always put yourself up for adoption and hope for the best. Maybe if you're REALLY lucky a nice pedophile will take you home."

The smile on Sora's face was the only thing that kept Riku from having a conniption fit. So he tried his last defense: redirecting.

"Is there a reason you welcomed yourself into my humble abode or are you just here to hurt me with your sarcasm and uncalled for accusations?"

Huh. All three at once. Nice work Riku.

"King sent us another letter." Sora handed him an already opened official looking letter and then he lay down. Riku looked at the paper in his hands and raised an eyebrow. He quickly scanned the contents without really reading any of it. He managed to get the gist of it however when the words 'Are invited to Disney Castle' caught his eye.

"So..." he started.

"He's expecting us tomorrow. That is, unless you don't want to go." Sora's voice was soft and Riku felt like he was falling into a trap.

"Of course I'll go."

And I'll have you love me and your virginity while I'm at it. Like a fairytale. Only better. And no singing. Happily ever after...

"Great! Leon, Cloud, and Kairi are coming too! This is going to be so much fun!"

"...Cleon and Kairi...?" Riku felt something in him die.

"Yep! I can't wait—"

Riku could. What did the king want with them anyways? This better not be another life changing, _time wasting_ journey. Riku only had one life and he preferred to spend it not getting his ass kicked by stupid heartless the whole time.

Not that _he_ ever had _his_ ass kicked but why tempt fate? Two journeys was enough... the third time was _not_ the charm, the third time could go screw itself.

"...Riku? Why do you keep talking like that?"

Fuck.

Somewhere along the way he had to learn to his keep his inner monologue to himself.

–

"Riku."

"That's my name. Don't wear it out." Pause. "Seriously."

Leon didn't look amused but then again he hardly showed anything on his face other than annoyance when he was around another group of human beings. Riku was human so he didn't expect much from the estranged Radiant Garden leader.

"Riku." Cloud greeted as well.

'Hello the blond half of Cleon!' inner Riku waved.

"Cloud." Riku acknowledged out loud.

"Are we all ready for this!?" Kairi screamed from the front of the gummi ship. Inner Riku screamed, "FUCK NO!" but outwardly he smiled at his other best friend. Since he wanted Sora, Riku thought it best to keep on the girl's good side.

"Let's go!" Sora cheered.

And so Riku made his way to Disney Castle. The tale of the dark hero shall slowly unravel and gift him with his much needed reward for saving the worlds...the second time around.

Cloud and Leon looked to each other as Riku kept talking aloud to someone they could not see.

"I think...he's finally snapped." Leon commented quietly.

Cloud watched the silverette talk to himself for a second before nodding. "You can't wear a bright yellow vest voluntarily and _not have_ something wrong with you."

–

_**What. The. Fuck.**_

This became Riku's mantra as the gummi ship loaded off its passengers. He moved to walk near Sora who seemed to be glowing with happiness. Kairi too looked...happy. Leon looked like someone who was watching grass grow while Cloud tried acting like an actual person who wasn't a recluse.

Riku felt betrayed...next time he was reading the stupid fine print.

On the way to Disney Castle Riku had come up with a way to get Sora alone, confess his feelings, and then seduce the brunette. But he needed to clarify his feelings first so he thought a nice chat with the king would be necessary.

_This_. Kinda screwed up his plans...

"Sora!" before Riku could blink he was face to face with A HUGE BLUE MAN, an animated carpet, a monkey, and a normal looking couple who were dressed like royalty. They looked oddly familiar...

"Genie!" Sora greeted enthusiastically and shook hands with the couple before hugging them. "And Aladdin and Jasmine!" They chuckled at Sora while the monkey did this...little weird dance...

Sora...was a weird magnet. Let's not mention the fact that Riku was probably attracted to him more than anyone else alive...

"How are you?" Aladdin asked even as he held unto Jasmine's hand. Riku didn't answer. Mostly because anything he said right now would probably result in profanities.

"Great! And you guys!? Married yet!?" Sora asked, his naive-ness hitting Riku like a mallet.

The couple seemed to be amused however.

"Yep! Tied the not a few months back after everything settled!" Genie responded. He eyed Kairi before winking at them both. "How bout you champ? How's it going with _your_ lady love?" Genie made a kissy face.

Kairi blushed scarlet and Sora invented a few more shades of red.

However it was inner Riku who voiced his answer to the world.

"LIKE HELL HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!"

All eyes turned to him, even those whom weren't in the conversation. Well...this sucked. He felt Leon shift beside him and vaguely wondered if he could call upon his powers to swallow him into a glowing mass of dark goo.

"You...look familiar." Jasmine said after a while and eyed him critically.

"I was on the magazine cover of Sexiest Man Alive. It was nice warping your first impression of me. Good bye." and Riku gave a sharp turn and left.

Or he would have had a shiny little orb of light not decided to attack him. After briefly trying to swat it, he realized it was a very, VERY small little girl in an even smaller little green dress. The little fairy type thing got into a boxing stance and tried to take off his nose. She looked familiar too...

"Hey!" a boy dressed in green—WAS HE FLYING!?

Riku gaped.

"It's you!" the gravity defying boy yelled. "You took Wendy captive a while ago! What are you doing here!?"

...and then the world imploded around Riku.

More protests came and he was slowly backed into a corner. He put his hands up in surrender but they all seemed not quite ready to stop their advancement and subsequent murder of his person.

"STOP!"

Riku felt a body throw itself at him and his vision was clouded by brunette spiky locks. He felt Sora's arms lock around him tightly. Some part of him felt the need to throw Sora aside and take the hits instead.

"Riku's my best friend! I know he messed up in the past but it wasn't his fault! He was being used by the darkness! He's as much a victim as any of you here! He even helped saved the worlds the second time around! If it weren't for him then I wouldn't be here either! Please! Just get to know him! Riku's a great guy and an even better friend!"

Apparently Sora's word was holy or something because the angry mob relented. They backed off and Riku looked down to the defiant looking sapphire eyes and held himself back from kissing the hell out of him.

"Frankenstein would have loved a friend like you." Riku said a little dryly.

Sora pouted, "I save you...and you mock me."

"Such is the order of the universe."

"If you're done flirting..." Leon said dryly and Riku blinked when he found himself glared upon. "The king wanted us to meet him in his study when we got here. So hurry up."

If Cleon's glare could kill, Riku would be a pile of silver hair and ashes.

"How do you know he wants us there? And what the hell!? Why the fuck is everyone from everywhere here!?" Riku demanded. Four pairs of eyes looked at him like if he was Ansem...again.

"Didn't you read the letter...?" Kairi spoke up for the first time in a while.

Riku gave her a blank stare.

"Its...a ball." Kairi began.

"Like a basket...ball...?" Riku said slowly and found that it sounded weird...

"No you idiot. Like a dance. The king wants everyone to form bonds or some shit and set up a system to aid the worlds in case some nut job decided to start another heartless invasion." Leon snapped, or the equivalent of snap could Leon actually show emotion.

Stupid fine print. He should just hijack a gummi ship and leave. Now.

"Oh." Riku ignored the underlying insult in Leon's words and instead began to stare at Sora whom was smiling again. This sucked balls...

Hah. Pun. Riku made a funny...

"So shall we?" Cloud asked flatly. The rest of their small group nodded and followed the blond up into the castle. On their way, many more tons and tons of people stopped and greeted Sora. People that Riku had inadvertently pissed off when he was possessed...

How the hell was Riku supposed to initiate his plan like this!?

–

"Friends!" King Mickey greeted.

"Mickey!" Riku actually smiled and returned the hug he had been given. There were several more people in the room, all of humanoid form like Mickey.

There were the lackeys, Donald and Goofy.

A female duck who was standing next to whom Riku supposed was the queen and Mickey's wife. Next to them were two more humanoid dogs like Goofy and three ducks whom Riku saw were triplets. And then there was Pluto who was currently trying to lick Cloud's face. The blond looked ready to shish-kabob the poor pet.

"Introductions are in order!" Mickey announced and turned to Riku, out of politeness, he assumed. He felt the room's eyes on him and felt sarcasm coming to his aid.

"I'm Riku and I've been sober twenty three minutes so far." he told the room dryly. He refused to wince when three jabs hit him from three different sides. To his luck, the queen found it funny and giggled. Mickey shot him an exasperated look and Riku beamed him a smile. "Sarcasm is just one of the many services we offer." he added cheerfully.

"Forgive him." Leon said dryly. "He's schizophrenic...and bi-polar. He also talks to himself. Please ignore him."

Riku glared.

"I'm Sora!" the brunette piped up suddenly. He pulled Kairi forward. "This is Kairi. And don't ignore Riku. He's like a puppy. He'll get lonely and start to cry."

Riku made a motion of being shot in the chest. He staggered and gripped the nearby desk tightly. He looked up into the ceiling and groaned. "Betrayed...betrayed by my best friends! A curse on both your houses!" Riku faked a sob and collapsed in the nearby chair.

Sora giggled as did the females in the room.

"Cute." Cloud said it in a tone that conveyed just how much he didn't think so. "I'm Cloud Strife. That's Squall Leonhart."

Leon's jaw twitched. "It's Leon."

Mickey beamed at them. He took his wife's hand and pulled her towards him. "This is my beloved, Minnie. You know Donald and Goofy but you don't know Daisy." Here he pulled the female duck forward. "Donald's adoring wife. This young man here is Max, Goofy's son. And this beautiful gal next to him is Roxanne, Max's girlfriend. And last but not least are Donald's nephews. Huey, Dewy and Luey. And I'm Mickey Mouse!" Mickey laughed.

Riku stood up then. "So...why is everyone from everywhere conveniently here in your castle? This isn't Get Back At Riku Day is it? I won't walk into the hall or something and see crowds of people trying to beat the shit outta a pinata that has my face on it right?"

"If they do I call first in line." Cloud smirked. Riku took a huge breath and convinced himself that Sora wouldn't take too kindly to him killing half of Cleon.

"Riku..." the king said gently. "I'll speak to them. You'll start with a clean slate. No one will bother you like that. I promise." the queen also agreed to that and inner Riku honored them with a small celebration dance.

"Sora already verbally dropped kicked them when they went out for my blood. But if you wouldn't mind..." he glanced to Sora who blushed bright red.

Mickey nodded and addressed the rest of the room. "The plans for the system I've been trying to initiate will be discussed three days from now. Tomorrow is the ball however. A way for everyone to get used to each other and form bonds. If they don't, I don't think they'll be willing to help each other out like I planned."

Kairi squealed as did Roxanne. Max merely gave a sort of smile.

Riku however...

"I believe it's in the best interest of everyone if I sit out. Mainly mine. Sora too. He's an uncoordinated hazard."

Sora stuck out his tongue.

"Sorry Riku." Mickey didn't look sorry at all. "But you have to go. You're a huge part of the plan along with Sora. You're presence is required."

Bullshit.

"I can't dance." Riku deadpanned.

"Neither can I but I'm being forced too—er, it'll be fun." Max amended with a slight grin. Riku looked at him, then the king, then to Cleon and Kairi, and finally to the love of his life who was looking straight back at him.

"Cruel and unusual punishment." Riku announced. "I don't have a date."

He didn't mean to say that last part.

"There are plenty of lovely ladies you can choose from here! I doubt they'll be able to resist you." Kairi said dryly. Riku spared her a glance before trying once again to bullshit his way out of the situation.

"I think...I have...a contagious...disease." he said slowly.

"It's called stupidity. And he's right. Prolonged exposure to him might endanger everyone else. I heard dancing is a nice treatment though."

Damn the blond half of Cleon! Hell, damn the whole of it!

"Go with me then." Sora said with a smile. "We can—"

"Okay!" Riku quickly interrupted. "Er...I mean..."

"Then it's settled!" Mickey announced. He shot Riku a knowing grin. "Rest up everyone! Big day tomorrow!"

And so Riku felt the ominous beginnings of something dreadful start. The hold he had on life was quickly slipping and slapping him in the face as it left...

Leon turned to face the rest of the room, "See what I meant? Talks to himself..."

One day Riku was going to strangle both halves of Cleon. And he'd do it while smiling. And he'd plead a crime of passion. And just hoped Sora was up to visiting him in jail...

Sora looked around the room, "Whose Cleon?"

Leon sighed and motioned everyone out the door. "Sora."

"Yes Leon?"

"Make new friends."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything! Cept the plot...

**Pairing**: Main: Riku/Sora Side: Leon/Cloud, Mickey/Minnie, and others...

**Warnings:** Yaoi (lemon later), swearing, and a bunch of other things...

**WARNING. THERE IS SMUT **(or whatever the heck you wanna call it)** IN THIS CHAPTER. Just a little bit, nothing too graphic...**

**Rating**: M

**Chapters**: Probably less than five...

**Summary**: So...according to his now MIA dictionary... He, Riku, was in love with Sora, his best friend. He could live with that. He just hoped Kairi and Cleon would let him.

Review?

No flames!

**Authors Note:** I PROMISE you wont have to wait another full year for an update! FORGIVE ME! X3

**Loving Words of Sarcasm**

**Chapter 2: In Which a Tree Has Nothing to Do With It**

"...and then they made me their chief!"

Riku wanted nothing more than to pull a Leon at the moment and shun the world like a socially-retarded recluse. Maybe then he wouldn't have to deal with people "re-introducing" themselves to him. He whole-heartedly blamed Sora for his current anguish. After the king had dismissed them, Sora had tried to convince their small group to join everyone else in the hall where all the so called "bonding" was taking place.

Cleon had made the excuse of being too "tired" and practically ran to where the king mentioned their rooms were. (They had each gotten a separate room but Cleon insisted they should be allowed to bunk together on account of the fact "they said so".) Riku wasn't stupid. He knew enough Cleonese to know that by "tired" they actually meant "we're about to jump each other's bones".

Riku watched them go and almost suggested to Sora that they go "rest" up too. His alternative was quickly murdered, however, by Kairi who practically threw them into the hall. A huge feat considering the girl was tiny and the hall was fifty feet away from them at that point.

And so Riku found himself...here. _Here_ being an apparent AA meeting...listening to a drunk named Jack recount all the greatest moments in his life. Starting from his birth all the way until he got eaten by a giant octopus. Or so Riku gathered. He stopped listening about a minute later and only caught a phrase here or there. None of which made sense.

Sora however was laughing and following along with the plot line.

"All ye met young William here yet? Boy 'as a 'ard time sittin' still...'ave to watch 'im carefully otherwise 'e might go do sumthin' stupid. 'is distressing damsel too..." Riku watched as the "pirate" slurred out his statement and was helped by another man, "William" he supposed, whom was muttering apologies to the audience.

"Isn't this _great?_! Are you having fun? _I am_!" Sora turned to face him fully, a huge grin on his face.

Riku resisted the urge to summon his keyblade and run himself through as an obvious answer to how much "fun" he was having. So instead he let his sarcasm speak for him.

"I think I had more fun when I was getting my wisdom teeth pulled."

Sora gave a pout, "Aww...Kairi's having fun...lighten up Riku!"

Riku raised an eyebrow and glanced to where Kairi was animatedly talking with the rest of the princesses before turning a twitching eye to Sora. "The only way you're going to get me to 'lighten up' is if you set me on fire. And I'm warning you Sora, char my beautiful silver locks and I will retaliate. My revenge will be cold and swift and you'll never see it coming." Riku paused for dramatic effect. "_Never_."

"Riku. You're a weirdo."

"And you're the weirdo's best friend. Guess who drew the short straw there?"

Sora retort was interrupted by a new voice. "Sora!"

And here was another bright shining example of why Riku _hated _being here. People kept _talking_ to Sora, kept _hugging_ Sora, kept _touching_ Sora, kept _stealing_ Sora's attention from Riku.

And according to the gospel according to Riku, this was **sacrilege.**

The silverette knew that if he were to act like the possessive caveman he was inwardly turning into, Sora would never speak to him again. So, using sheer force of will, Riku turned to the new faces, gave a fake smile and restrained the urge to kill or maim any "competition".

Riku surprised himself by recognizing the couple in front of them. They were from that one place...the Land of...Lizards...? With that guy...and with the people...and the other people...and the snow. He remembered the snow. He remembered pulling a "Sora" and falling down the mountain via a huge snowball that resulted from said fall. (He later told Mickey that the bruises he had attained were from a huge heartless battle...instead of the tree that stopped his descent further down the mountain...the king merely smirked at him, which only served to scare the crap out of him before reassuring Riku that he believed him.)

Sora, meanwhile, quickly stood from his chair and bowed before lunging at the couple to give them a hug. "Shang! Mulan!" The couple laughed and hugged Sora back before they released him and stepped back a bit.

"Interesting little gathering huh?" the woman, presumably Mulan, noted.

If interesting meant _stupid_ then yeah, Riku agreed.

Sora, however, beamed. "I think it's great! All my friends in one place. It's fantastic. Huh, Riku?" Sora turned to him which resulted in Mulan and Shang turning to face him as well. Riku wanted to say something nice. He did...really. But his fuse had been eaten up by the drunk pirate not ten feet away. So Riku settled for the lesser evil and gave the brunette a dry glance, which might have bordered on a glare, and said nothing.

Sora pouted and turned back to the couple who merely looked amused. Riku spared the trio one last glance before he walked towards where some chairs and tables had been set up, spotted an empty table, and sat down. Riku sighed and ran his hands through his perfect silver locks. By no means was Riku some isolated loner who wrote poems about how much his life sucked when he was alone, but he did appreciate the quiet once in awhile, a rare occurrence when he had Sora, the bouncing ball of energy who-just-wouldn't-shut-up, for a best friend. Yes, the quiet was nice...

"HEY THERE FRIIEENND!" a voice boomed in his ear.

_HOLY FREAKIN' KINGDOM HEARTS!_

While Riku's heart did a nice little impression of a hammering drum, his outward appearance remained blank. Well, hopefully his try of radiating killing intent and annoyance would become palpable soon, however. He turned and spotted a large grinning BLUE face popping his personal bubble.

Riku hated having his bubble intruded upon.

"Hey there buddy! So how's Sora's little sidekick doing, huh?"

Riku had a feeling he wasn't going to be able to leave this damn place without having murdered a least a couple of people. Guess who made top of the list?

"I'm just kidding! Ha ha! Everyone knows you and the Keyblade Master have a little something, something, going on! Now, spill!" the blue genie grinned and plopped down into one of the chairs. Riku opened his mouth, thought better of it, and closed it again. He was pretty sure catching people on fire came under the "**Things Cleon and Kairi Will Eat You Alive For List**" the king had so happily slipped into his pocket before leaving his office. Although...did giant blue men really count as people? Eh, better safe than having Kairi set loose on him...

"So!" the genie nudged him with his elbow. "What's up with you and my buddy Sora? Someone doesn't gander round the worlds to just find a friend. You two must be pretty _close_ huh?" the genie gave him a wink at the word "close".

Huh. Riku idly wondered how pissed Sora would be if Riku outed the both of them to this magic wielding fiend who would no doubt magically conjure up banners and posters publicly cementing their gayness to the world…

It'd be even funnier if Sora wasn't…gay...haha...funny...

Oh..._shit._

Rejection hadn't even crossed Riku's mind before this. What if Sora...rejected him? Didn't want him...in any way? ...could Riku handle that?

Sora's laughter suddenly rang out and both himself and the genie turned to look at the brunette who had just shared a good joke with Shang and Mulan. The brunette's eyes had lit up and his smile was so big...and gorgeous...and wow.

Sora was...undeniably Riku's light. Without him...Riku would be blind again. Nothing would ever...matter. The beating organ in his chest might be keeping him alive but his heart, his true heart, resided in the boy with the beautiful blue eyes and dazzling spirit. Riku's reason for living...

"You okay there buddy? You know, I was just fooling..." the genie's tone turned concerned but Riku was paying very little attention now. "But...I can tell you really like the kid... I'm satisfied."

That caught his attention and Riku looked up into the gentle smile of the blue man.

Riku raised an eyebrow, "Eh?"

The genie grinned then and ruffled his silver locks. Riku would never admit to it, but he bristled like a cat at that. The genie chuckled before settling back into his chair. "I like the kid. He's got spunk. Al and his gal like him too. He's a good kid. He's made a place for himself in the hearts of a lot of people here. He's helped all of us in some way. So it only makes sense we look after him too ya know?" Riku restrained himself from rolling his eyes and saying how corny that all sounded but he nodded regardless. "The kid likes ya, obviously."

Riku's, er, doubts, were not assuaged however. He merely nodded and glanced back to the boy whom had unintentionally stolen his heart.

No, Riku thought.

He was the boy Riku had willingly given his heart to.

He just hoped Sora was willing to do the same.

**-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-**

Squall Leonhart stared at his blond lover. Out of all the things the dumb blond could have done to ruin the mood, this must have been the worst. Here Leon was, ready to make hot passionate love to the love of his life, and the blond goes and says _that_.

"Squall?" Cloud said, questioning, yet it still retained it's normal dry tone. Leon glanced down at the beautiful blue eyes he loved. Cloud shifted beneath him and Leon sighed. He got off the blond and laid on his back and ran a hand through hair before they moved to cover his eyes.

"The mood." Leon began.

Cloud sat up and raised an eyebrow.

"You've killed it."

Leon wasn't surprised when he felt a hard jab to his side and didn't bother hiding his wince. He merely just lay there and tried to make sense of the mood-killing statement Cloud had uttered beforehand.

"Riku likes Sora."

Leon groaned. "Stop saying it."

He felt Cloud shift besides him. "Doesn't make it any less true."

"He's too young."

"Squall."

"Riku's crazy."

"_Squall._"

"They're both boys."

"…"

"…his lunacy is rubbing off on me."

"This…could be a good thing."

Leon took his hand away from his face and stared at Cloud who was looking out the window of 'their' room (technically they were each given a separate room but whatever). Leon stared at his lover's blond spikes, blue eyes, and contemplative expression.

"…Riku has seen my weapon of choice correct?"

Cloud gave him a dry glance. "Do you think Sora would let that fly?"

"Who cares what Sora wants. I want his best interests at heart. I also want to go back to our earlier activities." With that said Leon grabbed the blond and they were once again in their earlier position. Leon bent down and kissed his love's soft lips. Cloud made no protest this time and spread his legs wider to accommodate the brunette. Leon growled in approval. It'd been awhile since Leon had taken Cloud whilst both were facing each other. He couldn't wait to see the blond's face as Leon drove them both to complete ecstasy. He smirked as he gave his blue-eyed lover a small bite on the neck while simultaneously lifting Cloud's leg over his own shoulder. He felt himself prod at the blond's entrance and prepared to thrust to the hilt-

"I wonder if Riku will be this rough with Sora?"

_To hell with this!_

Leon, using strength he hoped to every deity he would never have to use, dropped the blond on the bed and rolled over facing away from his now fuming lover. He stayed still for all of two seconds before grabbing his pants off the floor, throwing them on, and marching towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Cloud's voice sounded uninterested but Leon knew better.

Leon turned. "To my room!" He stomped the remaining two steps and slammed the door shut.

Cloud blinked. Yawned. Then curled back unto the bed. He idly wondered if both Sora and he had a preference for morons.

"Idiot. This _is_ his room."

**-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-**

"Having fun?" the king asked him with a grin.

Due to the close bond that he had forged with the mouse King over the fact they had been stuck in the darkness for so long, Riku felt like he owed him the truth.

"Tons."

Close bond or not, **no one **escaped Riku's sarcastic wrath…especially when he was ON THE VERGE OF HOMICIDE.

"Aww…" the king didn't bother to fake any sympathy and gave him another grin. Riku felt his eyes morph into their natural glare. Happiness right now made him wanna key blade something.

"Have you seen Leon by any chance?" the king asked innocently enough. Riku felt his eye twitch. The silverette had thus far been relieved he hadn't seen the brunette. His absence truly made Riku feel as if he were on "vacation"…the icing to this sweet cake would be Sora…vowing eternal love for his person…and lacking clothes as he did so while Riku finally took that final step and made sweet love to-

"You alright?" Riku's eye began to twitch harder as Goofy Junior shook his shoulder and Riku had an internal seizure as someone's hands other than his own laid hands…on himself. Ahem.

"It's Riku right?" the girlfriend of Goofy's spawn asked kindly and Riku gave a very small nod. That and, if he was forced to speak, he'd havta pretend to know their names…which he did not, obviously.

"Why are you mumbling?" the Spawn asked, he looked amused.

Riku opened his mouth, thought against it, and shut it quickly. He heard the king sigh besides him and move so that he was between Riku and the Spawn.

"Riku. Speak." the king commanded gently. Riku opened his mouth and snapped it shut and glared when the king giggled a "That's a good boy."

The Spawn raised an eyebrow while his girl gave a soft laugh before amusedly taking a glance around the room. Something interesting must have caught her eye because she gave a delighted gasp, poked her boyfriend in the side, and alerted them to a presence apparently coming their way. The Spawn's eyes grew wide and he gave this big ridicules goofy grin and Riku felt like hitting him for being happy.

"PJ!" he laughed and Riku felt someone rush past him before both the Spawn and his girl were being pulled into a bone crushing hug by someone a few inches shorter than them.

Riku used this time to escape.

…or he would have, had the king not grabbed onto his shirt and held him there with a playful command of "stay".

Riku glared.

The king ignored him.

Riku glared harder.

The king brought the "group's" attention on them.

"Hey PJ, this is my good friend Riku. Riku, this is PJ."

Riku gave an over dramatized sigh of woe.

"Um, hey there?" the stranger, PJ, laughed nervously. Riku scrutinized him. Because Riku didn't feel like playing nice. Riku wanted to leave. Now.

A laugh interrupted them. A light, female laugh. Which only served to irritate Riku further. He turned to the noise of the (to him) cackle and raised an eyebrow at Kairi, who was now sporting a dress similar to Jasmine's, mid drift exposed and all, and she was grinning brightly. "Don't worry!" she assured the newcomer. "It's his time of the month, he's like this to everyone right now." she laughed.

The group (minus Riku) gave her blank stares, even as their faces flushed.

Riku, who knew that almost EVERY OTHER WORLD out there except for apparently their own, actually valued decency and such raised an eyebrow. But he held in his own cackle at the group's discomfort.

"Uhh…" the girl, puzzled by their reaction cocked her head to the side. "My name's Kairi…" she trailed off, twirling a piece of her hair between her fingers. "Uh…yeah."

Inner Riku was enjoying her torment. A lot.

"Oh!" PJ snapped his fingers. "Yeah, I heard of you! You're the Keyblade Master's girlfriend!"

Kairi laughed neverosuly and for once actually thought of her own safety and inched away from Riku, whose face he could feel was trying to attain the ability of burning people to a crisp with his stare alone.

"Um…she laughed, "No, not exactly-"

Even Riku felt '_the crazy_' seep into his eyes and Kairi sweat dropped.

"Not at all." She corrected quickly and laughed…again. "He's like a little brother to me! And…I'm the big sister. I'm the one people deal with if they hurt him in anyway…isn't that right…_Riku_?"

Riku felt like the tables had turned and idly wondered if '_the crazy_' could only possess one person at a time…and what exactly this meant for Riku now that Kairi was eyeing him like a mama lion might eye something that was wanting to eat her babies…

"I mean…" the red headed girl continued sweetly, and bent down so that her cleavage was visible, "don't you agree Riku? Anyone wanting to harm our little Sora would have to be taught a lesson?"

Riku felt himself nod.

Girls…if Riku had his dictionary, he was pretty sure they'd be defined as "scary ass demons from hell…who like spending other people's money while shopping".

"I'm glad we understand each other." Kairi straightened up, gave the group a little goodbye wave before skipping away to annoy someone else.

"…I felt like there was an underlying message there." Goofy's Spawn said slowly.

"There was." Riku muttered at the same time that the King gave a nervous laugh.

"Riku, why don't you go find Leon? There's something I need to talk to him about." Mickey said, somewhat serious. Riku raised an eyebrow. He idly wondered what the king wanted the scarred brunette for…maybe the king was building an army of robots and needed someone to teach them to be emotionless…but then…this wouldn't bold well for Riku…considering the brunette half of Clean wanted to annihilate him half the time…that meant that the king's request could be considered a suicide mission…and Riku was kinda feeling a little emo…but not to this extent.

Therefore…

"I…" Riku hoped that the statement about to leave his mouth was better than death-by-robot-Leon-leading-army, "…want…to…talk…with _them_." (_Them_ meant the now gaping group of individuals that Riku didn't really want to associate with right now...or ever.)

Never before had Riku felt such pain while uttering a few simple words…oh wait…there was that time when Kairi had made him say, out loud, that he, Riku, was wrong.

That one almost gave him a stroke…

The king however, was looking at him with wide eyes. Riku stared back with as much innocence as he could possibly fake…until an odd thought hit him.

With a flourish and elegance that Riku knew is what made him drop dead sexy, he stood and leveled the king with a challenging glare. He brought his face very, very close to the startled mouse king before stating the words that would make the king realize Riku was on to him.

"I'm onto you." Riku then turned and walked away, knowing that victory would be his.

Meanwhile, King Mickey watched his friend walk away and wondered what in the world just happened. Max, Roxanne, and PJ seemed to echo his train of thought because they too watched Riku walk away before turning to their king.

"…he was…interesting." Max said slowly. Mickey looked to Goofy's son and nodded.

"Is he always…so interesting?" Roxanne asked, scooting closer to her boyfriend.

Mickey Mouse thought back to all of Riku's actions, past and present, and his thoughts lingered on a certain event before his eyes went wide with realization. How could he not have seen it before? It was so clear now that Mickey slapped his hand to his face in comprehension.

Riku's odd reaction to things…his blank stare as drool slipped down his face when he thought no one was looking…his apparent lack of social skills to anyone BUT Sora…'the crazy' that would occasionally slip into his eyes at random moments…everything was coming together…

"I KNEW it!" the mouse king exclaimed, startling several people in the near vicinity. "That TREE did do more damage than I thought!"

Knowing that he had to help his friend in any way possible, the king momentarily forgot about his need to find Leon, and went off to find Riku. The poor boy must be in desperate need of help!

Seeing their king run off like a firework had been lit under him, the three remaining in the group could only blink and had a moment to digest what was happening before someone else sat down heavily in the kings previous spot. A bottle of alcohol was waved in their faces before their attention was driven to the man trying to get their attention.

"Da name's Capt'n Jack Sparrow, n Imma tell ye a funny story! It all start'd wit' me pa' n me mum! Ye see, me mum a had too much ta drink-"

(Had Riku been there with them, at this exact moment, he would have either began to laugh uproariously or gone through with his threat of impending homicide.)

**-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-**

Having realized he had nothing to do other than make himself more paranoid over that fact that everyone, even the king apparently, was out to get him, Riku tried to find a place to think in peace.

And, voila! He found one.

It was a nice isolated place with only one colorfully decorated carpet in the area. Riku sighed as he dropped himself on the carpet and closed his eyes for a moment.

His new found paranoia should have made him weary of the carpet too. Poor, poor Riku…

-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-

"Have you seen Riku? He's _this_ tall and has silver hair and everything he says sounds kinda sarcastic and weird?"

Sora motioned his statements with hand gestures and pulled at his own hair to make his point clear. "I've been looking for him awhile now and I can't seem to find him! And the last person I talked to said you were kinda lucky and it seems I need luck to find him!"

Sora received two eye blinks in response.

Just as he was about to give up, he heard a voice that made his hope rise and a smile adorn his face.

"IT'S POSSESSED! THIS FREAKING CARPET IS POSSESSED!"

Sora looked up to see his best friend riding the Magic Carpet from Aladdin's world and he inwardly shook his head. He needed to learn how to have fun like Riku! Thinking that if he hurried, he could ride the carpet too, so he turned to the small cricket on the table he had approached for help a few minutes ago and gave a huge grin.

"Mushu was right! You _are_ lucky! Thanks a lot!"

Then Sora ran off.

Unknowingly to Sora, Leon had seen the whole thing. He stared at the gravity defying bane of his existence and the brunette who had bounced away to join him before sitting down besides the small cricket Sora had talked to.

"I should've just stayed in bed."


End file.
